• Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
• Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
• Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
• Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
• Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
• Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
• An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
• A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
• Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
• An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
• Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
• An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
• Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
• Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
• A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
• A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
• Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
• An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
• Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.

• me during shower time: What is my mission here on earth? What would have happened if Hitler got killed before he started the war? What if is there's a bigger force controlling us right now?
• me almost falling asleep: I think I've solved the mystery of Atlantis and the cure for cancer and starving in Africa and the problems for all bad things in the universe
• me during the day: how do I spell house?

When we finally end up in therapy...

• Therapist: Okay let's start with some word association.
• You: Sounds Good.
• Therapist: Blue
• You: TARDIS
• Therapist: Purple
• You: Shirt of Sex
• Therapist: Hello
• You: Sweetie
• Therapist: Hedgehog
• You: Martin Freeman
• Therapist: Tie
• You: Bowties, Bowties are cool.
• Therapist: I'm sorry I can't help you.